a dick of a tale

here beneath this marble stone
lies a man whose penis still groans

for his is the pecker that knew no fail

but then this isn’t your ordinary tale

though he was born your regular boy

who played his wee-wee like a happy toy

he first saw the glimmer of heaven

when he was but a child of seven

he alarmed his family in the room

when he grabbed it like it were a broom

ma whhhat’s this, he croaked a stammer

as he flashed his thing as hard as a hammer

Richard you dirty dog, she loudly gasped

as she spotted what his fingers clasped

and thus from a moment of innocent shame

firmed up this story of inglorious fame

y’see she’d scared him into a tight rod

that made nannies faint with an oh-my-gawd

and though negroes dared as black as coal

none could match the steel of his pole

it barged and burst out of his pants

like an iron file of marching ants

the worst was when he had to pee

t’was like unzipping an old oak tree

he tried dipping it in burning hot oil

anything to make it shock and recoil

next he dreamed of ugly naked hags

but still his pagan pillar never did sag

It stayed frozen through blizzard and twister

and grinned back at him ‘Howdy Mister?’

years passed on in this lurid way

his pubes turning from black to grey

but even though his skin grew old

the warmth in his loins never went cold

days thus passed till one day he died

after 78 long hours of masturbation tried

thus he went, though he still never came

his shaft staying stoic just the same

and when they lowered him into his grave

it peeked-a-boo and seemed to wave

thus in respect – and the name did stick

they changed his epitaph from Richard to Dick

ram cobain