the handyman

ol’ timmy was a fine, fine lad

aye no parent was ever so glad

many a lawn for free he mowed

helped many a granny cross the road

to the church choir he lent his voice

and gave street children all his toys

he read blind men the daily news

played chess with them to simply lose

he shared his precious notes with the class

and never once hit cheaply on a lass

but there was this one awkward thing

that to his repute like odour did cling

nay t’wasn’t as much eccentricity

as it was a gosh gawdawful pity

y’see whenever timmy got a hiccup

the only blessed cure was to stick up

a frisky finger up his own arsehole

and though he was quite often tol’

that this wasn’t in grand good taste

timmy just slid boxers down his waist

said, ‘hic, you gotta do what you gotta do…

and one finger’s great – but better’s two.’

ram cobain

(Pic courtesy Bored Panda, Google)